If you read the bio beneath this post, it will tell you that I am “a lover and truth-seeker, doing life in Thailand. This blog is a place for me to share my thoughts, struggles, and sincere searchings as I get to know God and welcome the reality of His kingdom in and through me.”
It’s been a while since I’ve shared sincere searchings on here. Well, that doesn’t mean I haven’t been searching. I just haven’t been sharing.
I’m still seeking Truth – and searching for a way to break free from the confines and expectations of people. Tradition and religion are ok… if you want to be a robot… but I want to be alive. Anybody who’s known me deeply in the last couple of years may have noticed a battle in me between pleasing people and pleasing God.
Even saying “pleasing God” on here sounds a little hypocritical. Not because I don’t want to please Him… but because I’m humbly realizing that I may not have any idea what pleases Him. Nor if I know Him as well as I have presumed.
I take comfort in something I heard a man say several years ago, “I cannot know God exhaustively, but I can know God truly.”
In this search for truth – and this process of cutting loose from people’s expectations – I take comfort in the thought that I can truly KNOW God. I believe He is relational and loves communion with Me. I believe that in my head, and at times I walk in a deep experiential reality of communion with God – but I don’t know, really, what sort of God He is. I know some things, but I’ve been so surprised at turns life has taken, and I wonder if His character is what people have defined it to be.
Maybe I’m just breaking into another level of needing to know for myself. Has so much of my knowledge of God been based on other people’s description? Other people’s influence? Other people telling me who God is and what He wants?
Even a year ago, I would have answered my own question by saying the Word of God has been my foundation – more than even the pastors that preach from pulpits and hypocrites whose lives preach louder than their empty words. And, that would be true. The Bible has been my rock – my encyclopedic source and bedrock of belief – since I was small.
But, now, I’m wondering about the foundations of that Book. How was it written and compiled? What in it is true? And, how do I know it is true? Only because someone has told me it is true? Or because it actually is?
I don’t know where this journey is taking me, friends, but in the spirit of integrity, I wanted to let you know I’m on it.
Yes. I’m still a Truth-seeker, and as I promised myself many years ago, I’m committed to stay on this journey to the end. I don’t want to settle for one fact. I want to live in Truth.